


Fractured Lives

by MercurianAmi (Sandy)



Series: To Be Whole [1]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Angsty April, Crystal Tokyo Era, Ficchatters, Gen, Pre-Crystal Tokyo, Shitennou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 05:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2954630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandy/pseuds/MercurianAmi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ChibiUsa tries to understand how the dynamic women she knew in the past became the single-minded soldiers she knows now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sailor Mercury

**Author's Note:**

> This was an "Angsty April" piece from a couple of years ago that has become a fuller story. As I'm getting further on the story, it's time to start publishing it!

Mercury always seemed so sad to me. All of them did really, which was always worse for me when I returned from visiting the past.

Helping her with the various security programs--well, ok, not really helping so much as watching and asking a lot of “What’s that do?”--I decided I wanted to truly help her, to be like Mom.

“Do you have any regrets?”

Without looking up from what she was doing, I saw her frown a bit, “Regrets? I’m one of the guardians of this world. Regrets would be irrational.”

* * *

“I’m sorry, Ms Mizuno. You are one of the brightest students I have seen in a very long time, perhaps ever. I have no doubt that you would be a great doctor.”

Ami clenched her jaw as she stood. She had managed to avoid this day, though she had feared it for weeks now. She had relied on the level of her work to keep it at bay, had hoped that acing the exams and labs would be enough to buy her the grace that she required.

The dean frowned, “Your work is impeccable, which makes this all the more difficult. The problem is that you have already made up three exams this semester.” The man shook his head, “You do not seem to be the kind of student who thinks as long as you know the material, dedication does not matter, and yet that's exactly what your record shows. I can no longer allow exams or labs which are late.”

“Your class attendance record is not much better. How could I expect you to be able to succeed at the long hours of either an internship or a residency if you cannot be counted on to be present for class or exams? Nor would this be acceptable in either a hospital or private practice. I’m sorry, Ms Mizuno, but the next exam you miss, you will not be able to make up.”

* * *

“But you always wanted to be a doctor. Every time I went to the past, you always wanted to be a doctor.”

For the briefest of moments, her fingers stopped typing and her jaw clenched. I felt bad, but I suddenly needed to know.

“Dreams change.”

Typical adult answer. I hate those answers. They’re meant to dismiss your question and end the conversation, and they tell you nothing. I really hope I never do that. “And you’re ok with that?”

Mercury sighed and actually stopped what she was doing to turn and look at me. I thought I saw pain in her eyes, but her expression, otherwise, was as cool as normal. “I save lives every day, Princess. I serve alongside my sisters, and I protect your mother, father, and you. I made the only choice I could have made.”

* * *

She arrived for the exam early, the way she used to be in college, the way she still would have every time if she could. Her hand was on the doorknob when the proximity alarm went off. Her other hand clenched into a fist, and she took a deep breath before stepping aside to check the app she’d created for their phones.

Ami was, as she knew she would be, the only Senshi nearby. The attack was not far away, but far enough that just getting there and back would make her late for the exam.

Looking over the data, Ami weighed her options. It was not a crowded area. There were only a handful of civilians in the immediate vicinity. For just a moment her finger hovered over the button that would forward the alert to the others. It was a small enough youma that any one of them could take it out alone, and she did not always have to drop everything she was doing, did she?

There were those handful of civilians, though. 

Glancing up at the university building, Ami bit her lip. It was only a moment’s hesitation, but she took a step toward the door and her finger lowered toward the button. Her shoulders drooped and she shook her head. It did not matter how few the civilians were, she could not abandon them.

Turning around, she transformed as she ran.

* * *

“But why? Why was this your only choice?”

Mercury shook her head, “I do not remember.” I was pretty sure that was a lie.

* * *

When Sailor Mercury arrived at the site, a civilian was facing against the youma. The woman was doing fairly decently, and a quick survey showed that the other civilians were quickly retreating from the area, a concert venue. Impressed, Mercury raised her hand calling water to herself. She had long ago stopped making speeches, but if it would distract the youma from the civilian she would do so.

She had barely started, when the youma managed to slip past the makeshift weapons that the woman was using almost as though they were a rapier and main-gauche, and the woman collapsed. Choking back the words she was going to say, Sailor Mercury released the water, formed into blades of ice, shredding the youma until it disintegrated, the chaotic energy no longer able to hold it together.

The entire fight, from the time Mercury had arrived until the youma was destroyed was less than a couple of minutes, but it had felt to the Soldier of Wisdom like an eternity.

Running to the civilian, she saw the items that had become weapons: a music stand with the stand portion knocked off and a now-thoroughly destroyed flute. The fighter was still bleeding as Mercury knelt down, to search for a quickly fading pulse.

The woman was unconscious as Mercury used ice to stop the bleeding and tried to save her life. However, even her combination of magic and medical knowledge was not enough, and the unknown woman died in Mercury’s arms.

* * *

I studied her for a moment. I was tempted to call her a liar, but then I realized whatever it was, whatever had happened, must have been painful to force her to make that decision. “I’m sorry.”

Mercury nodded and turned her attention back to what she was doing, “Do you not have studies you should be attending to?”

“Yeah.” Normally, that kind of dismissal would have irritated me, but as I looked back I saw her fist was clenched and she was biting her lip.

* * *

“Ms Mizuno. I’m sorry. I did warn you.”

Ami shook her head, “I know, and I am not here to ask you to change your mind. I am here to turn in my resignation. You are right. I have other priorities that I cannot ignore.” She handed the dean the letter.

Once Ami stepped into the corridor, Usagi, tears in her large eyes, hugged her. “You did not have to do this, Ami!”

“Yes, I did. I hesitated because of my own selfish dreams, Usagi. It was just a moment, but that moment caused an innocent, who tried to fight, her life. I killed her by hesitating, Usagi, and I cannot afford to do that ever again.” Despite her words, she clung to her friend, her heart breaking one last time.


	2. Sailor Mars

If Mercury was sad, then Mars was aloof and detached. Mom would describe her as “peaceful” and “calm,” but I learned long ago that was Mom trying to be nice.

It was Mars who taught me to pray and believe, though I wondered what she believed in anymore. I asked her once after I had a politics lesson with her.

“I believe in your Mother. I believe in her love for all of us and for the whole world.”

I honestly wonder, sometimes, if when I hit a certain level of maturity I’ll take a class on how to not answer the questions of kids. She’s as bad as Mercury. Mom doesn’t do that. When Mom doesn’t want to or can’t answer a question she tells me, and usually it’s a question about the Senshi.

Or about sex. I’m old enough. I know, but it’s fun to watch her blush and try not to look at Dad who is usually having a coughing fit.

Anyway, Mars gave me some answer about believing in Mom which felt more like the expected answer rather than the truth.

* * *

Few visitors came to the Hikawa Shrine anymore. Not that Rei blamed them. She had, herself, tried to fire the two Miko that remained. They were sweet kids, and while their charms did not have the same kind of power hers had, they were good charms and sold well. However, Rei had not wanted them in danger.

They stayed on stubbornly. Rei made sure that they took cover when there were attacks--the rule was if they ever tried to fight it, they would be fired--and that they went home before dark.

Akemi was sweeping while Chieko sat at the booth waiting on the non-existent visitors to buy charms. Rei looked up at the temple building and sighed. “Grandpa, I’m sorry. I’ve tried to maintain it, but...”

“Excuse me, Hino-san.”

Rei turned around hearing Chieko, “Yes?”

“Someone is coming!”

* * *

I frowned and thought carefully about how to go forward. Perhaps, if I made it about the lesson. “But the people of Earth have so many different belief systems, and didn’t you teach me that those belief system often manifest themselves in politics?”

Mars nodded, her expression not changing at all, even if she suspected where I was going with this.

“Didn’t you used to be a Miko and studying to be a Priest?”

Mars tilted her head ever so slightly, “Why are you asking a question you already know the answer to?”

* * *

The man was blonde and clearly fit. He was barely breathing hard as he crested the steps and made his way to the only people who occupied the courtyard. He bowed to Rei, and she was able to see the camera he carried.

However, before he moved to her, he made his way to the charms booth. Taking a moment to study the charms, he selected two and paid the Miko, walking away before she could give him change.

Rei watched him as he tied the charms to the tree that stood in the middle of the Hikawa Shrine’s grounds. He took a moment to watch them sway in the wind before turning to finally make his way to Rei.

“You are the Shrine Priestess? Hino Rei?” Before Rei could answer he continued, bowing again as he spoke. “I’m...”

She missed whatever he said his name was, feeling the buildup of energy that signaled the coming of another youma. Turning, she pulled an Ofuda from her robe. “Leave.” Raising her voice she kept her focus on where she felt the energy building, “Chieko, Akemi! Take cover!”

As soon as the energy formed into the creature, she chanted the words and released the Ofuda, stunning it for a moment. The sound of a clicking shutter caught her attention.

“I said leave! It’s not safe!”

* * *

“Why did you stop?”

Mars shook her head, “I grew up.”

* * *

The slight distraction was all the youma had needed. Instead of attacking the Priest-in-Training who had stunned it, it decided to go after the easier prey and moved toward the Temple building itself.

“GO!”

“And leave you to defend those girls yourself? I don’t think so.” Letting the camera drop to hang from the strap, he ran to put himself between the youma and the girls as Rei let another Ofuda fly.

She could not afford to wait any longer, and quickly transformed as the man stopped at the door of the Temple once the girls had entered, turning to defend them.

Shaking her head, though unable to suppress a small smile, Sailor Mars released a stream of fire toward the youma. Unfortunately, it only seemed to faze the creature before it responded with an attack of it’s own, throwing barbs of something she did not take the time to identify before responding with a flaming arrow.

The fight was fierce, and it was only after the youma disintegrated that Sailor Mars noticed that there was more conflagration than there should have been with the youma now dead. There had been a breeze, and that must have been enough to carry the flame to the Temple, with the fight far too close.

Quickly ignoring the tears over the destruction of her home and family shrine, she located the two girls, who were weeping openly beside the reporter.

* * *

“You don’t believe any more?” I knew pressing her was dangerous, but I had a need to understand. The Rei I knew had been full of passion and life, and now all that remained of Mars was a stoic warrior.

“I believe in Serenity. That is enough. You’re dismissed, Princess.”

I admit, I huffed childishly as I headed out of the building. One of them just had to talk to me!

* * *

“We can rebuild it, Rei! I know it won’t be the same, but you can still be a Priest!” Usagi clung to Rei’s arm, trying to convince her.

Rei shook her head as she patted her Princess’ hand. “No. The energy here is a magnet. It will never be a peaceful place of prayer, reflection, or remembrance again. It’s done, Usagi. No one else will die here.”


	3. Sailor Jupiter

Jupiter was very strict during training sessions. She would correct my stance or run me through the same drill as many times as it took for me to get it just perfect, no matter how close I came before.

Perhaps that was why I began with her even worse than with Mercury or Mars. I was exhausted, and after running through the same drill twelve times, and not being sure what was different about the last time that she deemed perfect, I kind of snapped. 

“You used to be nice!”

I’m ashamed to admit that there are sometimes, only sometimes, reasons why I’m called the royal brat. 

Jupiter, however, was not fazed by my words or my tone. “I consider training you to fight well so you don’t get injured or killed to be nice.”

* * *

“You’re bleeding red ink.” 

Makoto sighed as the accountant confirmed her worst fears. She rubbed her head in frustration as she asked the woman, “Is there anything I can do?”

The accountant nodded, “I would say you’re not lost yet. If you keep going in this direction, then yes, you will have to declare bankruptcy. I’ll be honest when I say you’re not far from that point, though.”

Leaning forward, the woman looked intently at Makoto. “All the reviews of your baked goods are glowing. The problem is reliability. You cannot build up a customer base when no one knows when you’ll be open. And as you know, with the current reviews, I do not think you’ll ever be able to resume catering. Which, as your accountant, I’m glad of. You were paying out more in reparations than you were taking in.”

She clenched her fist and forced herself to take a deep breath. This was nothing Makoto did not already know but hearing it from an objective professional was more difficult than she’d expected. “Thank you.”

* * *

I rolled my eyes. I have mentioned I was being a bit of a brat, right? “It’s not like I’m ever going to need to fight.”

“I hope not.” She shrugged, her voice remaining even despite my own tone. “However, if you do, I want you to be able to protect yourself.”

I huffed and crossed my arms, glaring at her.

“Mercury and Mars both told me what you tried to ask them, and I assume that’s what this is about.” Jupiter looked at me calmly, but I’m not sure the static electricity I felt was all in my imagination.

“Um...yeah.” Why did I feel guilty?

* * *

Makoto always cut through the park between her apartment and her shop. It gave her a chance to enjoy a bit of nature before she started the day.

She grinned as she stopped for just a moment to watch a little kids’ football team practicing with their coaches. The kids ran around the field playing an elaborate game of freeze tag. The only reason she could tell it was a football team, were the uniforms they wore. There was laughter and squeals as one of the coaches was apparently the “It” and chased after the kids.

Unfortunately, she did not need the proximity alarm Ami had put on her phone to see the youma that formed nearby.

Cursing--both because attacking children was not ok and she was supposed to be starting a sale to save her bakery this morning--she dropped her bag and called out a warning before ducking aside just long enough to transform.

* * *

“I understand, or at least assume, you are asking because you care, but I doubt this is something any of us wish to discuss.” 

At least Jupiter was honest in not answering the question I had not even asked. I bit my lip.

She smiled, and I know it was meant to be comforting but it felt cold, “We made the right choice, Small Lady, and we have accepted our lives.”

* * *

The coach had immediately snapped into action. From what little attention Sailor Jupiter could spare, mostly to assess the location of the children, he was making it a game as he got the children and other coaches to safety. Or tried to.

The youma seemed to view the children as an all you can eat energy buffet. With the children too close, Sailor Jupiter did not dare to use a lightning attack, so instead, she went with her other strength and attacked physically.

Long years of practice fighting the creatures, meant that Jupiter was aware that it would take more than physical attacks. No matter how strong she was, the youma tended to be stronger still. She just needed to distract the thing, keep it busy, keep it focused on her long enough for the kids and coaches to get away.

Having gotten thrown by the youma, she immediately picked herself back up.

“Hey! Asshole!” Jupiter blinked as the coach who had played tag and turned getting the kids away into game called out. “I doubt there’s anyone here your own size, so how about two?”

“What are you doing?! Get away!”

He shrugged before lunging for the youma as Jupiter got in a few good kicks. “Helping! Buying you a bit of time.”

If she had not been fighting a youma, she would have told him exactly what she thought of his stubborn “helping” self. However, she did not have the time as the youma had decided to focus on the less powerful target.

* * *

“I just...” How had I gone from feeling certain to ashamed so quickly. “I want you all to be happy.”

“We know. You’re very much your mom’s daughter.” 

* * *

One of the many problems with fighting a youma is that they tended not to be shaped exactly like humans. Some had more arms which meant that it could choke a civilian who thought he could help while still managing to fight off a Senshi.

She had no choice. The youma was killing him, and physical attacks were not going to prevent that. Desperately hoping that he’d somehow survive, she charged a massive lightning strike, releasing it with a punch to the youma’s midsection in a desperate attempt to get it to drop the man.

It did not, and she clenched her jaw as she watched the youma disintegrate and the man drop lifelessly to the ground.

* * *

I nodded and muttered an apology as I left, afraid to even look back at Sailor Jupiter as she finished putting away the training equipment.

* * *

As the papers were signed and hands shaked, Usagi stayed next to Makoto. Once the last businessman and lawyer left, she wrapped her arms around the taller woman. “It’s not fair! This is not what I wanted for any of you!”

Makoto nodded and placed a hand on Usagi’s back. “We know, Usagi, but we have to protect this world, the people in it, and you. We can’t let anything get in the way of that.”


	4. Sailor Venus

I was sitting on a flat part of the roof, meant for observation, when she landed beside me. “Do I not get a turn, Princess?”

Twisting to look up at her, I shrugged. “Would you actually answer? Or just tell me how much you believe in Mom?”

Venus sat beside me, a small smile quirking her lips, though it seemed bitter. “I won’t judge the others for avoiding your questions. I don’t think they fully know the answers.” 

We sat silently for a couple of minutes before I asked, “Are you happy?”

“No.”

I blinked in surprise. The last thing I expected from any of the Senshi, especially the always serious leader Venus, was a honest and simple answer. “Why not?”

“Let me tell you a story.”

* * *

“Minako! Look at you! You’re a mess!” The young woman shook her head as she lead the pop idol to a chair, a couple of other people immediately moving over to take care of her hair and make-up, while a third rummaged through a rack of clothing.

Minako shrugged, “At least I’m here, Kiyomi.”

“Barely!” The woman sighed and started sifting through the papers. “Five more minutes, and I don’t think we would have been able to salvage this.”

“I’m sorry.” She smiled to her assistant, “I’ll give you a bonus to thank you for putting up with me. You definitely have the harder job.”

“You think?!” Kiyomi waved a hand dismissing that discussion. “Anyway, you got a call back from the audition last week.” When Minako sat up a bit straighter and turned to look at Kiyomi, causing both the hairdresser and makeup artist to complain, the other woman held up a hand in caution. “But they have reservations.”

“Of course they do.” Minako sighed and sank into the seat, again drawing complaints and a “Stop moving!”

“They want to know that you can commit to a regular shooting schedule. And said that their goodwill can’t be bought through charity concerts you may or may not show up to.”

Letting out a huff, Minako rolled her eyes. “Let them find someone else.”

* * *

“You could have been on a TV show?” I looked at Venus with big eyes. 

“Yes, but they wanted something I could not commit to.” The woman whom I knew as a pure warrior shrugged. “It turned out to be a very good thing that I did not try.”

She continued with her story. “For me, running in the mornings was not about staying in shape--at least not for being in idol shape. It was about staying fit as a Senshi, and it was a kind of patrol, not that youma could be counted on attacking when convenient.”

* * *

Minako was almost done with her run for the day when she saw an attractive man waiting outside of a coffee shop at the end of the next block. Grinning, she decided to go a little bit further. She could use a cup of coffee.

As she jogged toward him, Minako imagined a meet-cute, a conversation over coffee and pastries, exchanging phone numbers. She was grinning as she thought about how it would go.

She was still grinning when she heard the scream. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

Turning into an alley she transformed and then ran toward the scream. She was reaching for her chain when she realized that there was someone else running in the same direction. Yelling over her shoulder, she called out, “I’ve got it!”

Reaching the youma, she was quickly relieved to see that the civilian who screamed had managed to flee. “Hey, ugly!” 

As the youma turned, she quickly whipped her chain, grabbing a protrusion on the youma’s head and pulling the creature down. Unfortunately, it did not stay down long, and as she readied her chain for a second attack, the attractive stranger caught up to her and shot at the youma--not to much effect.

* * *

“But...civilians can’t take on youma!” I blinked at Venus. “What did he think he was doing?”

“Helping.” She shook her head, and I realized there were tears in her eyes.

* * *

“What are you doing?! I don’t need a civilian getting in the way. Move!” Sailor Venus moved to throw energy at the creature without hitting the man who now made the use of her chain difficult as he engaged the youma in more direct combat.

Fending off the monster, which had now turned its attention completely toward him, the man called back. “Not a civilian, Ma’am!” He blocked a blow, “Police.”

“Great, I’ve worked with police before. Love you guys, but you can’t fight youma!” She managed to land a few strikes of energy against the youma, knocking it off balance but failing to attract its attention.

“I have a duty. I’m not letting you fight this alone.”

* * *

Venus grew quiet for a moment, barely moving. I was afraid to disturb her. It seemed to me as if she were somewhere else. After a couple of minutes had passed, I quietly asked, “What happened?”

With a shake of her head, she looked to me and frowned. “It was not that strong of a youma. I could have defeated it. I did defeat it. But not before it got a lucky shot in. With the youma destroyed, I moved to check on the man. He was bleeding, but I had not realized how serious his wounds were.”

* * *

“You foolish, stupid man! I could’ve taken care of it without anyone getting hurt if you’d stayed back.” Minako knelt beside him.

It was then that she saw how pale he was, how much blood there was. Even without Ami’s knowledge, she knew he was dying. “No, stupid idiotic man! You can’t die!”

“I’m sorry.” He looked at her, weakly, but smiled. “I had a duty. I’m sorry.”

* * *

“I realized who he was before he died. I think he did too.”

I could see how sad Venus was, but the last comment did not make much sense to me. “Who was he?”

“Kunzite.” 

I’m ashamed to admit it took me a minute to realize who that was. I did listen to my history lessons, but sometimes I got distracted, which is totally not my fault! Before I could say anything else, Venus looked at me.

“That’s why my dreams changed, Princess, because he reminded me of something, something I’d forgotten. I have a duty.”


End file.
